Conversation with rental car driver on Modi and the jungli sher!

When a cabbie spoke to me about Modi for the first time, I thought it was a one-off thing. But a couple of weeks ago, another driver did the same and now I know this might become a pattern.

So it all began when he started telling me about his peaceful village in Himachal, which does not even have a road leading up to it. Not even a cycling track. You have to walk 3 km from the road to reach this village, I think he said it was in Una or called Una. We were speaking about peaceful things like how his grandparents are fit and fine at their age and how the apples from Himachal are so juicy and naturally the conversation veered towards food.

That is when it took a violent turn.

He said they hunt (shikaar) and eat deer and wild boars. I somehow managed to keep my thoughts to myself till he said that they also hunt tigers. Yup, tigers. Apparently, Modi let three of them loose in the jungle. They got one and there are three more to go. So I got all wildlife protection and endangered species on his ass. I also told him that humans are not part of their food chain. He laughed and said, let a tiger come in front of Modi and I dare him to not shoot first. He added, for good measure, that I wouldn’t fare any better in that encounter either. God forbid, were I to come face to face with the beast, he said, I would not wait to watch whether he would eat me or not. 🙂 And just like that, the subject of tigers was definitely done and dusted.

A comedy of condolences PLUS Guide to offer your sympathies

When somebody passes away and you don’t know what to say to a grieving family member, the best thing to do is to say nothing. Or, if you must say something, then stick to cliches like, “I am sorry for your loss.” Never offer to help if you don’t mean it.

It’s been a month and I am still struggling to come to terms with my loss. On d-day some of your messages and calls sent me into a complete tizzy. Especially, messages like these:

“I just heard some bad news. Is it true?”

I was so tempted to say, ” No no, we are just playing a prank like Ross in
Friends.Please don’t mind it!!” I mean how insensitive can you be calling up the bereaved to “confirm” the news? Try calling somebody else who is close to the family please.

“How? When?”

Day two is not a good time to ask for for details. Whether it was a sudden demise or a terminal illness that someone finally succumbed to, this text message is just not done!


The unidentifiable condolence message or UCM as I call it is one of the worst
things. This is just a message from a number that the person can’t identify because they have never interacted before. If you just send a message on WhatsApp with your condolences, how do you expect the person to know who you are?

The first name condolence message is just as bad as the UCM! What are the odds that there may be more than one Padma or Priya or Krishnan in the family! So if you sign off your message with a first name, chances are the family member may not be able to recognise you.

But some of you who are not comfortable with texting may choose to call. So
before you pick the phone and call someone, here are some basic things to keep in mind at a time like this if you don’t want to come across as an insensitive jerk:

Try to figure out who you are speaking to first
Someone asked me whether my dad attended the funeral and I was shocked. When I said dad was the one who passed away, he realised that he was speaking to the daughter!

Don’t be the 6.00 am rooster!
Even if the family is awake, they have a million things to attend to. So call at a decent hour.

Don’t insist on speaking to every member of the family. You have called to offer condolences. Maybe some family member has spoken to you and said another can’t come on the line, then it is time to hang up.

Please don’t say and “What else?”
This is not your regular social call. If you can’t console or offer any help,
keep it brief.

First of all, how do you know that you are close to the family and should offer
your condolences? If you need to know what to do and have not been in touch with the members of the family then wonder no more: You are not close enough no matter how close a blood relation.

Here are the degrees of separation (or closeness depending on how you see it):

1. You are part of the same WhatsApp or Faceebook group.
Please stick to your message on the group and do not message personally unless you know how to offer support.

2. You don’t have the phone number of even one family member
In such a case, if you have are a relative or have been close at some point then you are probably sensitive enough to know what to say. If not, don’t even call.

3. You are a part of the extended family but…
If you need to introduce yourself at a time like this, then save your call for much later. D-day is not a good time to keep anyone’s phone engaged by a lengthy introduction.

4. You are a friend or acquaintance
Call or message only if you can help or genuinely, don’t say or do anything that you think you need to do “just for formality”.

If you are in your 30s or older, chances are that you are going to meet someone who has lost a dear one. Whether the person is a colleague, friend, neighbour or relative, please be sensitive to their loss.

Don’t at any point make it about you. People often say things like, “You didn’t tell me…” Or, “Why didn’t you say anything before?” Or worse like, “I knew a doctor who could have helped..”

This is not the time! The spotlight is not on you. It is on the grieving person.

If you have any doubts on how to offer your sympathies, leave your question in the comments below.

Types of “Izzat” in Bollywood — Black and white movies to Badrinath ki Dulhaniya

Lalita Pawar, as the evil mother-in-law, has screamed, punched and kicked every Bollywood heroine in their heyday! And the heroines put up with it coz “badon ki izzat”. From then to now the Bollywoodisation of izzat has come a long way. 

Here are a few types of izzat that Bollywood movies have been peppered with in all their misogynistic glory:

  1. Badon ki izzat

The most convoluted form of badon ki izzat is the respect for the nikamma pati and the torturing in-laws. The doe-eyed heroine told anyone who cared to listen that she put up with every form of abuse because her parents taught her to respect her elders. I haven’t for the life of me been able to figure out how this education did not include self-respect. But hundreds of movies and millions of cine goers seemed to agree that this was the ultimate show of respect.

2. Ghar ki izzat

For some reason, this always meant that nobody outside the immediate family came to know about your financial predicament. It meant that you borrowed to keep up appearances, starved as you entertained guests, and beggared yourself while trying to sponsor your son’s fancy education. Then there is the the ghar ki laxmi meaning the daughter-in-law who formed a big part of the ghar ki izzat. And in such movies the bahu would end of torturing the in-laws.

Basically, among elders and the kids, whoever wielded the izzat to their advantage abused the other.

3. Desh aur samaj ki izzat

It was amazing to see a one man army demolish a ton of villains to save the desh ki izzat. Or, winning a cricket match against the goras like they did in Lagaan was enough to restore the desh ki izzat. No wonder we grew up thinking of desh ki izzat as a lost commodity to be restored with gimmicky acts and failed to learn that we need to demonstrate respect for our nation by treating our country and countrymen well. No, I am not going to launch a swachch bharat lecture but you get the drift.

4. Insufficient dowry = pink pagdi kadmon pe izzat

If the heroine’s father took off his pagdi and put it at someone’s feet, it meant total loss of respect. I have never understood what it takes to believe that you have to pay someone a huge sum of money and then beg them to take your daughter because you failed to cough up a few thousand more. And am sure that there is someone who is reading this and chuckling right now but will not even ask their parents about the “gifts” involved in their wedding.

5. And finally the lutne wali izzat 

Of course, we all know that a woman’s izzat is ALL about hymen remaining intact (not only in the movies).

This type of izzat has three variations:

i. “Mujhe bhagwan ke liye chhod do,” when you are rescued

Those were the days when the heroines begged to be left alone for “god’s sake” as the villain tried to rape them. Since the heroines were virtuous and pure, the hero always rescued them and protected their izzat by not revealing the identity of the villains to the police.

ii. “Mujhe bhagwan ke liye chhod do,” when you are raped

Every six year old in the country knew or maybe continues to know that the hero’s sister (read laachaar behen) would scream this dialogue, then vomit, then cry copious tears as she cradled an infant as the hero seethed impotently. If there was an andhi maa involved then the laachaar behen was married off to her rapist, often at gun point, by said hero who knew that was the only way to salvage her honour (again izzat) and that of the family’s.

iii. “Mun kala karana or naak katana” when they have sex outside marriage

When the woman has sex outside marriage, whether she gets married to the guy or not, she loses all types of izzat — from ghar ki izzat to the samaj kya kehenga to the duniawale, everybody is affected by the rupture of a tiny tissue…Uff the nose gets cut and face is blackened to cope with this trauma!

Badrinath is a movie that tries to move away from that kind of misogyny by telling the audience that guys and girls need to fight against regressive customs from dowry to honour killing. It also tries to highlight that marriage is not the ultimate milestone in a man or woman’s life. But, it loses these lofty ideals somewhere along the way. Between glorifying stalking to laughing when some villains are trying to “looto a man’s izzat”, the film reverts to gender stereotyping. Oh wait a minute, no hymen equal to no izzat maybe…Maybe that is why they think it is ok to laugh at attempted rape or believe that rape is a gender crime and heinous only when it happens to a woman!

Either way, Badrinath talks about a different type of izzat when Alia Bhat says that love is not enough when they don’t respect each other. This is a significant development in mainstream Bollywood cinema — the notion that respect is mutual and separate from the notions of izzat we have been used to!

Beauty and the Beast: Tale as old as time…Not exactly a review :-)

While watching Belle and the beast, I felt my fractured heart splinter into a million pieces and then slowly come back together in a shifting kaleidoscope till everything righted itself. What can I say except that it was so worth the wait. It is a sensory extravaganza and every little detail that has gone into the movie enhances the grandeur.

From the costumes to the expressions on the teapot, you will marvel at the finesse and be touched by the elegance. Belle’s enchanting yellow-gold gown and all the costumes got me googling and it is no surprise the kind of detailing and commitment to the costume and accessories is what makes it stand out. If you want to read about it, click here.

Lumiere and Cogsworth and Mrs. Potts have been “animated” yes, but they are more alive than many of us. I salute the artistry and the vision of team Beauty and the Beast. The song where Lumiere invites Belle to be their guest deserves a separate Oscar of its own. It is incredibly moving and a visual treat like no other. The age old waltz will cast a spell on you and the magic will never fail to move you.

One can’t exactly call it a children’s movie because I don’t know whether kids can fully wrap their head around the idea of an ideal love story. The movie plays to every fantasy every bookworm ever nurtured about romance. And if every hero needs a great villain, this Gaston is as vain and as vile as they come. What a performance! Watch it with your girl friends and oooh and aaah over the spectacular spread. As I saw the beast turn into Prince Charming, I couldn’t help remember Shrek and the transformation of a different sort. I realise all over again why that love story is so much more relevant and why little girls need to snap out of the Disney princess’ fantasy. But, for every girl/woman who was in love with the idea of being in love this tale is way to relive those moments 🙂

Qtiyapaguy Arunabh Kumar — sexual harasser or not –The TVF defense: One big sweeping denial and many loopholes!!

Arunabh Kumar Qtiyapaguy

Here are the big loopholes in the Arunabh Kumar defense:

  1. Who is this woman? They (Golani, Nidhi etc.) claim such a woman did not work there. How do they know from an anonymous post, where the woman is obviously trying to conceal her identity?
  2. It did not happen to me…The “I did not face any such issues” disclaimer by Nidhi Bisht. Yes you are a woman, but not all women who worked there. So what did or did not happen to you can’t be used as a yardstick.
  3. I am a hot blooded single guy! The admission that he finds a woman sexy and tells her that off work and not at the workplace. This is a dead give away. He couldn’t out and out deny the film maker Reema Sengupta statments because she had apparently confided in others and also revealed her identity. So he responded in this way, making it sound as though sexy is a compliment and as though stating he is a “heterosexual male” covers it. News flash: Harassment begins where attention is unwanted and unappreciated.
  4. To investigate or not to investigate is that the question? The official statement that they want to bring the alleged victim to justice and the statement made by Nidhi that they take such allegations seriously is completely at odds with each other. If they have a policy, then they need to investigate. They can’t have investigated so quickly and declared her guilty and all in the same breath.
  5. This writer can predict the future! Bisso’s tweet about more such employees that are going to pop up, doesn’t aid the cause any, ‘coz employees or not more such women have popped up.
  6. Go(lani) wordplay! Schadenfreude makes for a great word of the day. But, your haters would need to really work hard to put together such a team of young women from neighbours to independent contributors to former employees…Wonder what is to hate so much? You guys were getting all the love, so this term was premature or was it prescient ‘coz you expected the backlash after the blog was out.
  7. Arunabh: Press charges or go to internal HR! If that is not a subtle threat I don’t know what is. He knows that once she quits he can’t go to HR. She claims that the legal team threatened her, if that were true she can’t press charges. Offering a neutral environment or offering to present himself to an impartial panel or something along the lines of being open to investigation while assuring complete protection would have been more sensitive than a tweet.
  8. Twitter don’t blame me no more! Lashing out at tweeple is not a defense, Arunabh. People are watching your reactions and if your fans are taking a stand against you, it is you who is digging your own grave and not the accuser.

Supposedly fiesty Kangana and millions of women find Kapil Sharma funny when he demeans men dressed as women!!

“You are so fat I want to spit at you. Yuck thoo!”

Yes, I just translated what Kapil Sharma said on his show to the fat guy dressed as a woman. This is something that millions of people watch at home with their kids and they are completely ok with it. Are these are the same people who troll Shobha De and have a problem with Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s version of Padmavati?

Kangana Ranaut was laughing her lungs off as she found this “humourous”. Someone who finds Karan Johar’s brand of questioning unpalatable thought it is ok to indulge Kapil Sharma’s shenanigans.

Kapil Sharma has a lovely singing voice and can be funny apparently, but I wonder how this brand of humour goes down with parents. They watch the show with little kids and laugh and show it is ok to talk like that to girls. I see kids emulate that kind of language unabashedly because it is heartily condoned by the parents. As an adult whatever you chose to view is your call. But, when it comes to showing it to your kids, remember, that by not condemning it, you are endorsing it.

We are going to make a big fuss during International Women’s Day and applaud feminists like Kangana and get back to watching Kapil Sharma on Tele. Who are we kidding? As a nation, we have treated women like crap and with this kind of nonsense that goes on every day, we are continuing to teach our boys that women should be shamed for their appearance and teaching girls that all this should be taken in good “humour”. Yuck thoo!


Raees: Angry young man returns?


Watching Raees is like watching those Amitabh Bachchan movies when you were six. Total dishoom dishoom!! And for a Shahrukh fan, the action combined with the charm is irresistable. I love the way the film is not out to make you cry or really root for the baddie. But yes, there are seeti bajao moments that made me wish I had taken a whistle with me.

Every punchline pe, you find yourself clapping and cheering. But, that’s totally SRK’s charm at work. As Raees the criminal, he does not evoke any sympathy. But the mastermind that he is, evokes a certain grudging admiration for his tactics. The sub plots are twisted enough to grip your attention and the songs are lovely. Zaalima has that Suraj hua madham quality minus the sizzling Shahrukh-Kajol chemistry. Mahera is a lovely actor but I am used to expecting someone stunning like Deepika on screen. SRK is the last of the romantic heroes and he makes anyone look good, but I just can’t get past Mahera’s nose.

Nawazuddin is now occupying the spot Iftekhar vacated — the perfect Bollywood cop anyone?

Of course, no talk about Raees can be complete without discussing the Laila song. I usually hate remixes, so I am biased. But, have you seen Zeenat Aman’s legs in the original??? I know they wanted to make it the new party song, but it is more of a cardio workout and lacks the sensuality of the original. Sunny Leone looks amazing as usual, but her costume and the choreography could have been waaaayyy better. Of course the events that unfold during that song are a completely different story. Talk about style and costume, I must say I am a big fan of Shahrukh’s kajal and pathan suit styling in the movie.

So all in all I say watch this movie with the pop corn and samosa and skip the coke as it rekindles your your childhood fantasies of being Amitabh Bachchan in a brawl with 10 people and heroically punching your way out with barely a cut lip!

Dear Zindagi – Conversations with Jehangir Khan (A movie review with spoilers that you will not hate me for)

Just as SRK crooned “Kathai aakhon wali…” which is one of his favourite songs, you will want to serenade him as you fall in love with the brown eyed King all over again. Along the way, you also swoon over the yummilicious Kunal Kapoor and have a girl crush on chocolate lover boy Ali Zafar.

Can’t wait for Gauri Shinde to direct a romantic movie! I know we have grown up on Yash Chopra, but watching Gauri Shinde’s take makes you realise the stark difference. While, a transparent, chiffon clad woman under a waterfall, may be the ultimate male fantasy, that is certainly not how a woman wants to be romanced. And no, it is not about her being a woman, Zoya Akhtar and Farah Khan continue to pander to the male fantasy. I laud Gauri for being able to speak a feminine language in romance and relationships. The most empowering scene in the movie is one in which Kunal Kapoor asks Alia Bhat whether she has anything else to say and she says no and bye and walks away. Even the lip lock with Ali Zafar is the tender kinda toe curling, bend the knee kiss which is seldom (if at all) seen in Bollywood.

But, all this is just a minuscule part of the attraction of Dear Zindagi.  I love the way it is mounted. The scale is just right. While I overheard a lot of people talk (crib) about the pace of the movie, I disagree. It is laid back but not plodding. You don’t need to soak it in. It doesn’t grab you by the gut or put you through an emotional roller coaster. The narrative is so graceful and sensitive and the high points are devoid of unnecessary frills with very real dialogues. It doesn’t pack a punch, it gently nudges your core and moves you without shaking you up too bad. This despite it being all about the conversations between a disturbed young lady and her therapist.

Dear Zindagi ticks all the boxes for me. Here’s why.

  1. The sets are gorgeous. From the nameplate of Jehangir Khan’s House to the kitchen at Rumi’s, every element is chosen by someone who clearly loves their job. If you are looking for inspiring home decor, this is it. You will just as easily be enamoured by the outdoors.
  2. SRKs’s look at styling is simply superb. The shock of black hair and gray at the temples and in the fuzz is just right. I love his shirts and the little nuances like Alia in the same style outfit towards the end.
  3. Sarcasm and a sense of humour makes a rare appearance in Hindi cinema. Only one film old and ready to take a dig at her first movie – way to go girl! Lot’sa people cracked up at the Lebanese joke while some found it in poor taste and were offended. But hey that’s what happens in the real world and laughing about it is the way to go. Touchy much? Thin line between sensitivity and touchy and the movie doesn’t even stray across the border.
  4. Alia Bhatt! There will not be a dry eye in the theatre when she is bawling her lungs out. I am an SRK fan, but this is Alia’s movie all the way!! And that is a saying a lot.
  5. High five to Gauri for not making a hotch potch of it as she touches upon so many sensitive topics without hitting a raw nerve. Really, you should be watching it to know about this one.
  6. It is like overhearing real people talking and not knowing what to do. Sometimes you want to reach out, sometimes you want to fade away into the background. The skype texting scene by Alia is one that will remind you of countless WhatsApp type and delete moments.
  7. Soul food! Ditch all the chicken soup books and whatever self help books are your fix and just get some wholesome entertainment for the same price.


The list will keep getting longer, the more I recollect, but I want you to watch it and come back and tell me more. Till then, I hope you are able to sing love you Zindagi if not today, then some day!

Ae Dil Hai Mushkil is all about falling in love with Ranbir Kapoor!

It is apparent in every scene that the film maker loves Ranbir and you are tempted to fall in love with him. I didn’t like the title track much till I saw it on big screen. You can actually see the bass echoing in Ranbir’s face and expressions. Very intense. The movie has its moments and is peppered with beautiful dialogues. At one point Aishwarya says, “Tum samjhaoge to samajh jaaoongi, aur samajh gayi to bikhir jaoongi.” Such a simple line and yet it tells you that you have choice to not go through that emotional turmoil and stay on “hoping”. Hope, after all, is a terrible emotion.

Ae Dil Hai Mushkil is all about how heartbreak is important to get the creative juices flowing.

Having said that let me tell what stayed with me (in random order):

  1. Anushka’s styling. Me want those earrings and that stylist. Alia in a miss and blink appearance is also gorgeously styled.
  2. Bulleya–oh my!!
  3. Ranbir is oh-so-yumm but SRK rules! One brief scene and it shows why the big screen loves a super star. The quality of the movie changes in that one scene.
  4. Anushka is oh-so-wholesome and can totally pull off anything. Alizeh will be close to my heart for a long time.
  5. Why do they make Aishwarya wear expressions like clothes and make her strike poses in scenes? Wouldn’t it be easier for her to just be the character instead of reminding the world that she is beautiful every time? Remember Rain coat people?
  6. I sooo wish someone would cast Ranbir in a movie that exploits his potential. He can do anything but Barfi and Rocket Singh ke baad what next?

Bas that is it. But yes go watch the movie people. And laugh and cry. But more laughter from KJo this time and whoever wrote the dialogues is brilliant!


Tinder Chronicles: Part 2 >> For 35+ women in India

Day 2: So I dashed off the first day’s account to YKA and they said that some parts were judgemental and condescending. So I went right back and created my account all over again.

For the uninitiated, here’s what Tinder does: It shows you a pic and a bio (that’s what they call a description) that a person has filled. Based on that, you have a choice to “like” i.e. swipe right or say “nope” i.e. swipe left. You also get to “super like” i.e. swipe up for about 3 profiles (with a free subscription). As I said earlier, it was too overwhelming to dismiss or like a profile and I sat for 5 minutes without doing anything.

There might be those who don’t judge others on Tinder based on their picture or description, but that does lead one to wonder what they might be thinking while swiping. I was genuinely bewildered by the whole judgemental bit. Then I realised that she probably hadn’t used the app.

Given the nature of the app, I wonder how un-judgemental is a person while swiping left and right…I mean you look at a pic for heaven’s sake or a coupla lines to know whether you like the person and sometimes unmatch within the first 2 minutes of talking to a person just coz you don’t hit it off right away.

The important thing here is that you can never know who liked your profile until you like them back. Then you are a “match”. Tinder shows people who you have matched with and you can then chat within the app. The moment a person unmatches you, the entire chat history vanishes unlike a WhatsApp or FB where the chat history remains even if you block the person’s number or profile.

Tinder is the much vaunted, last bastion of hope when you are trying to find people to date, but many women at my age (35+) are horribly judgemental (if you want to call it that) about “the kind of people” you would find of Tinder. This without even getting on the app. I was among those who are quick to dismiss it as a piece of fluff, a frivolity that is meant for creepy men and in turn women who like creepy men (just a thought).

So once I took the plunge, I was so surprised at the civil nature of the conversations that I promptly chronicled it.

And yes, the gender ratio being horribly skewed, many men have told me about how they swipe right for every profile. So it is surprising how they don’t put much of an effort into making their own pics or bios stand out so more women swipe right. But, as the YKA people rightly said that is just my perception 🙂 Day 2 was a revelation in profiles and bios (that is still going to be a separate listicle). But, yes the civil conversations continued. As I suspected most of them were married or separated but not legally single.

So it got me thinking how telling people not to be judgemental is a load of crap. Everyone is constantly evaluating others and trying to figure out whether or not they “match”. Given Tinder’s rep as a hook-up app, so far I was only glad that my filtration technique was somehow superior and that I did not attract any sleaze because I consciously filtered it out.

Day 3 to Day 5 pretty much continued in the same vein

Day 6 I felt I found one person who I could connect with off the app.

Day 7 I decided to delete my account and uninstall the app. Before leaving, I said bye to all the people I spoke to on Tinder.

Top of the list: Book Guy

He said Hello and Hi. I said Hola and Namaste. What followed can only be described as a series of mini trips down memory lane: recalling a much cherished character, throwing in a favourite author, it went on like that… He brought back so many memories of so many lovely books and suggested a few new ones. Reminded me of the ones I had yet to read. Then the “talk” veered to movies and songs. Just like a lovely listicle that these Web sites get right sometimes. It was a nostalgic trip to the world of dreams. Nothing about who we are or what we do. Just about the things we read, watch and listen. I thought he was like a dolphin reaching the surface every now and then before diving back. He said he was not as agile and likened himself to a whale. Little did I expect that an interesting, articulate and well read guy would be on Tinder of all places. Thanks whoever you are for making my week long sojourn such a pleasant one.

Guy 2: The “tharki buddha”

There is a gentleman I will remember with a smile forever and follow on twitter forever. For someone who tweets racy stuff and calls himself a tharki buddha, he was sweet and patient and ever so chivalrous. I will remember him for the cute giphys and the smart-alecky comebacks.

Guy 3: Sweet “Mikesh” like kid (Permanent roommates anyone?)

The one emotion that I never thought I would experience on Tinder is tenderness. There was a sweet guy who sent me flowers and said all these cheesy things and asked whether it was too corny…I am smiling as I write this and hope he finds his someone special. (I know it is not me, Don’t ask me how I know 🙂 He seemed genuine but hey I was only there for 7 days.

Guy 4: My Tinder bud 🙂

There is one guy who was my Tinder bud. I told him he was totally friendzoned and he was completely ok with it. Our first conversation was the least congenial one. I was snappy, he was irritated. He asked me whether I was this sweet all the time, I asked him whether he was this sarcy. It was a brutal conversation and after that we settled into this mode where I would talk about my Tinder experiences with him and he would be my guide. I told him that everybody wanted to know where I lived and he said it was ok to reveal the general area and nobody would stalk me unless I gave my mailing address 🙂 He is one guy I am tempted to stay in touch with off Tinder as well coz I know he is super chilled out.

One of the coolest things that happened due to Tinder is that I realised how strong my instincts are. With some people, you get that creepy vibe right off the profile pic. But all the loneliness would get to me at some point for sure. So I logged off. I wish all you Tinderites well!