Tinder Chronicles: Part 2 >> For 35+ women in India

Day 2: So I dashed off the first day’s account to YKA and they said that some parts were judgemental and condescending. So I went right back and created my account all over again.

For the uninitiated, here’s what Tinder does: It shows you a pic and a bio (that’s what they call a description) that a person has filled. Based on that, you have a choice to “like” i.e. swipe right or say “nope” i.e. swipe left. You also get to “super like” i.e. swipe up for about 3 profiles (with a free subscription). As I said earlier, it was too overwhelming to dismiss or like a profile and I sat for 5 minutes without doing anything.

There might be those who don’t judge others on Tinder based on their picture or description, but that does lead one to wonder what they might be thinking while swiping. I was genuinely bewildered by the whole judgemental bit. Then I realised that she probably hadn’t used the app.

Given the nature of the app, I wonder how un-judgemental is a person while swiping left and right…I mean you look at a pic for heaven’s sake or a coupla lines to know whether you like the person and sometimes unmatch within the first 2 minutes of talking to a person just coz you don’t hit it off right away.

The important thing here is that you can never know who liked your profile until you like them back. Then you are a “match”. Tinder shows people who you have matched with and you can then chat within the app. The moment a person unmatches you, the entire chat history vanishes unlike a WhatsApp or FB where the chat history remains even if you block the person’s number or profile.

Tinder is the much vaunted, last bastion of hope when you are trying to find people to date, but many women at my age (35+) are horribly judgemental (if you want to call it that) about “the kind of people” you would find of Tinder. This without even getting on the app. I was among those who are quick to dismiss it as a piece of fluff, a frivolity that is meant for creepy men and in turn women who like creepy men (just a thought).

So once I took the plunge, I was so surprised at the civil nature of the conversations that I promptly chronicled it.

And yes, the gender ratio being horribly skewed, many men have told me about how they swipe right for every profile. So it is surprising how they don’t put much of an effort into making their own pics or bios stand out so more women swipe right. But, as the YKA people rightly said that is just my perception 🙂 Day 2 was a revelation in profiles and bios (that is still going to be a separate listicle). But, yes the civil conversations continued. As I suspected most of them were married or separated but not legally single.

So it got me thinking how telling people not to be judgemental is a load of crap. Everyone is constantly evaluating others and trying to figure out whether or not they “match”. Given Tinder’s rep as a hook-up app, so far I was only glad that my filtration technique was somehow superior and that I did not attract any sleaze because I consciously filtered it out.

Day 3 to Day 5 pretty much continued in the same vein

Day 6 I felt I found one person who I could connect with off the app.

Day 7 I decided to delete my account and uninstall the app. Before leaving, I said bye to all the people I spoke to on Tinder.

Top of the list: Book Guy

He said Hello and Hi. I said Hola and Namaste. What followed can only be described as a series of mini trips down memory lane: recalling a much cherished character, throwing in a favourite author, it went on like that… He brought back so many memories of so many lovely books and suggested a few new ones. Reminded me of the ones I had yet to read. Then the “talk” veered to movies and songs. Just like a lovely listicle that these Web sites get right sometimes. It was a nostalgic trip to the world of dreams. Nothing about who we are or what we do. Just about the things we read, watch and listen. I thought he was like a dolphin reaching the surface every now and then before diving back. He said he was not as agile and likened himself to a whale. Little did I expect that an interesting, articulate and well read guy would be on Tinder of all places. Thanks whoever you are for making my week long sojourn such a pleasant one.

Guy 2: The “tharki buddha”

There is a gentleman I will remember with a smile forever and follow on twitter forever. For someone who tweets racy stuff and calls himself a tharki buddha, he was sweet and patient and ever so chivalrous. I will remember him for the cute giphys and the smart-alecky comebacks.

Guy 3: Sweet “Mikesh” like kid (Permanent roommates anyone?)

The one emotion that I never thought I would experience on Tinder is tenderness. There was a sweet guy who sent me flowers and said all these cheesy things and asked whether it was too corny…I am smiling as I write this and hope he finds his someone special. (I know it is not me, Don’t ask me how I know 🙂 He seemed genuine but hey I was only there for 7 days.

Guy 4: My Tinder bud 🙂

There is one guy who was my Tinder bud. I told him he was totally friendzoned and he was completely ok with it. Our first conversation was the least congenial one. I was snappy, he was irritated. He asked me whether I was this sweet all the time, I asked him whether he was this sarcy. It was a brutal conversation and after that we settled into this mode where I would talk about my Tinder experiences with him and he would be my guide. I told him that everybody wanted to know where I lived and he said it was ok to reveal the general area and nobody would stalk me unless I gave my mailing address 🙂 He is one guy I am tempted to stay in touch with off Tinder as well coz I know he is super chilled out.

One of the coolest things that happened due to Tinder is that I realised how strong my instincts are. With some people, you get that creepy vibe right off the profile pic. But all the loneliness would get to me at some point for sure. So I logged off. I wish all you Tinderites well!

 

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